Sometimes, you just tend to think about a lot of things. About getting older, growing up, thinking about who you are, who you’ve been, who you’d be. Thinking about how they think you’re supposed to be. Thinking about how you shouldn’t be acting like a kid anymore. Thinking about being stupid, them making you feel stupid. Thinking about being condemned. Thinking, thinking. Thinking about how things frame you. Thinking about how you hate yourself. How sometimes the hate is too much. How they see you as this person and you see that and you hate it.
Hate is far too strong sometimes.
But you fight it. You fight it with hope, with love.
“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”—Mitch Albom
My mind is so cloudy right now that I have no idea what to write.
May this week be great.
I don’t know, was reading some stuff a while back, and saw something like “The future ain’t always the way we’ve imagined it would be”, and yeah, growing older, you tend to think about certain things, look back in your life and see what’s changed and all that…
Will stopped as he was going to get inside his house. He saw someone. Someone he knew far too well. Someone he once loved, once thought he’d spend forever with. Someone with Ginger Red hair, wearing handgloves, and a Green and Yellow number.
Will held his chin in awe as he saw her. He knew she was coming home but seeing her, in the flesh, still surprised him.
"Hi," Emma smiled meekly.
"Emma," Will said, coming up to her. He gave her a peck on the cheek, "Hi,"
"Sorry I came unannounced," She said, "I just thought I’d uhm…catch up."
"Of course," Will said, taking the house keys out of his pocket, "Come in," He opened the door for Emma and led her in. "Sit down, I’ll just get some drinks,"
"Nah, Will, I won’t be long—"
"Come on," He said.
Emma smiled a bit and sat down on the couch. Will went to the kitchen and came back after a few minutes, holding a tray of Fruit juice and some biscuits. “Sorry, that’s all I have,” He said.
"No, Will, it’s alright," Emma said, getting a glass and sipping some juice, "Wow, look at you. You look different now,"
"Come on, Em, it hasn’t been that long,"
"Yeah, but there’s something different about you." Emma took a deep breath, "I’m a big girl now, Will. Well, being in Italy taught me a lot of things. And…You know, I already let you go, Will. You can tell me anything."
"Still reading me well, huh? Will laughed a bit.
"Of course," Emma smiled, "So…anything you wanna tell me?"
Will took a deep breath, “Well…” He trailed off.
He looked at her and, “I’ve been seeing Quinn Fabray.”
"I expected to hear that from you."
"Sorry," He said, "Emma, it wasn’t intentional."
"You came to New Haven, right?"
"For a conference."
"But also for her."
Will took a deep breath, “I don’t know, Emma.”
"You really love her, Will," Emma said, "We both know that."
"It doesn’t mean I didn’t love you."
"I know that," Emma said, "But that’s over now. Anyway, how is she? How’s Quinn?"
"She’s good," Will said, "Yale has been good to her."
"She’s an intelligent lady," Emma said, "Will she be coming home to Lima soon?"
"Yeah, by Christmas,"
"And are you planning to formally introduce her to your parents?"
"Yeah," Will said, "Em—"
"It’s okay with me," Emma said, "I mean, besides, it would be good for the two of you."
"Are you sure?"
"It’s your life, Will," Emma said, "You can do what you want. Besides, again, I’ve already let you go."
He kissed her on the forehead, “I’m so sorry for everything, Emma.”
"Don’t," She said, "Anyway, I have to go." She said and stood up, "I have uhm…some things to do."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," She said, "Thanks for the time, Will. It was nice seeing you again."
Will shoved his hands in his pockets, “Take care,” He said, “And Emma, thank you.”
"Do you want me to bring you home?"
"No," Emma said, "I’ll be okay. Just…I’ll just call. Uhm, catch up and all. Take care, Will. See you around."
And Emma walked out of that door, and of that house. Walked out of the man she used to love—the man she knows she still loves, but she knew she had to let go. She walked and walked until the tears started to fall.